Sleeping single in a double bed isn't uncommon anymore. In large U.S. cities, such as Seattle and Minneapolis, 40% of all households consist of exactly one person, and in Manhattan, it's almost 50%. However, the United States isn't leading this trend, in Paris, more than half, and in Stockholm 50% of all households are single person households.
Eric Klinenberg, in his recently published book, Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone, uncovers this massive shift in how many of us are choosing to live our lives.
Living Together When to Live Alone Wasn't a Choice
In her memoir, Committed: A Love Story, Elizabeth Gilbert struggles with what appears to be a marriage of necessity, in order for her partner to enter the United States they must marry. In her book, she traces the history of marriage in western culture.
In Old Testament times, she writes, couples married to provide security for their families. Families merged through marriage and became tribes. Tribes merged through marriage and became kingdoms. Then came Christianity and everything changed.
Early Christians tried their best to be like the angels. This included celibacy, but most early Christians chose earthly pursuits over angelic ones, and married, in spite of their leaders suggestion to follow the single path. However, marriage ceremonies were improvised, and couples registered their nuptials with their village or city. Furthermore, divorce was easy and occurred often.
During the middle ages, matrimony was purely a civil convention, no longer needed for security, but a highly efficient form of wealth management. Marriage was the most important business arrangement families entered into.
It was in 1215 that marriage became a religious edict; divorce became difficult and women were burdened with coverture. In other words, it was religion that held women under their husband's thumb.
When to Live Alone is A Choice
Mr. Klinenberg's desire to explore singleness began when researching his first book, which was about the 1995 Chicago heat wave, in which 700 people died. What he discovered was that the reason for the large number of fatalities was because so many aging people were living alone.
However, as he delved farther into the phenomena of singleness, he discovered a trend that surprised him. Eventually, he came to the conclusion that when given the option and enough economic resources, many people will choose to live alone. According to Mr. Klinenberg, the fastest growing populations of people living alone are found in China, India and Brazil, which are also the world's fastest growing economies.
The stereotype of single people being socially isolated isn't true. In fact, singles are more socially engaged than couples.
Michael Broder, PhD. in his book The Art of Living Single writes, "At a certain point, you realize that being alone does not mean being without other people. It means living with you. To reach that point you have to like yourself."
There's a definition of the difference between an introvert and extrovert that might work well here. An introvert is someone who is energized by being alone. Being with others energizes an extrovert. Some of us are innately wired to live alone, and post-modern life is giving us the opportunity to do just that.
Sources:
Eric Klinenberg (2012); Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone; New York; Penguin Press
Elizabeth Gilbert (2010); Committed: A Love Story; New York; Penguin Books
Michael Broder, Ph.D. (1988); The Art of Living Single; New York; Avon Books
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